by John Boyd
Let me tell you, pregnancy is tough. In fact I will say it has got to be one of the hardest things a man will ever have to go through.
Now wait a second, before the ropes and bats come out, let me explain. In defense of dads everywhere, even those too “perfect” to admit it, I will raise the banner high for the struggle we men face during pregnancy.
Look at it this way — women are feeling bloated, eating outrageous foods, emitting strange noises, failing to see their feet, etc., and that’s bad. But we dads have to sit there and helplessly watch. And we know what the mommy-to-be is really thinking… thoughts of sweet revenge for the one who caused this mess in the first place. Yep, dear old dad with his goofy grin and expectant joy, the cause of it all.
I distinctly remember when I’d had a great day, strolling home, head held high in accomplishment, indigestion free and limber as a sapling. As I approached home, I knew it was time to regroup, get centered, focus John focus, because I was entering the lair of a woman possessed.
I will probably have my neck rung for that last comment. In truth, Jennifer was always pleasant and positive about her pregnancy, and the lair was a loving home. She never once gave me the stink eye for causing the embryonic intrusion. But I knew what she was thinking, I could see it in her. It wasn’t comical. It was just a true desire for me to share the burden.
Now to be serious (and I must do some serious backpedaling from here on if I expect to sleep anywhere but the floor for the next few years), let me tell you what a pregnancy does to a man.
First, he feels confident, virile, capable. This lasts for a few days, then occasionally crops up in manly jocularity. This feeling fades, and a new cascade of emotions begins. For me, it was similar to a revolving door that you never escape. On the one side there is promise and blessing, hope for the arrival of a beautiful child, on the other side a dread and confusion, fear for a situation that is entirely and completely outside our control. For me, every step I took led me around in a whirlwind, the mindset of an expectant father. For the most part we keep these thoughts inside — as you can imagine there isn’t much macho backslapping around this barrage of hope and fear.
For a man who is raised to work, support, manage, engage, coordinate and persevere, the absolute inadequacy of dad-to-be becomes startlingly clear. And frankly, the end-all really amounts to this: we can’t stand seeing our wives having to go through all this collateral discomfort around the joyous experience of incubating a baby. For men, we must give our hope and fear over to God, trust the blessing and rub those pregnant feet. We must remain attentive, compassionate and flexible. We lift our women up in encouragement and praise for the sacrifice they make. And most importantly, we must never voice the unspeakable relief that God didn’t give men uteruses.
John Boyd is the heavily-armed father of three beautiful girls and husband to one fabulous wife. They live in Columbus.
