With so much of the family’s time focused on our children’s education, activities and well-being, little time is left for Mom and Dad. We asked readers to tell us what they do to keep their marriages strong, despite a hectic schedule. You had a lot to say!

Julie Hird
I had a friend, way back in graduate school. She was vastly afraid of getting married and her fears were based on her parents’ marriage. She had met this great guy and was a wonderful person herself. They eventually took the hike down the aisle. Her proactive method of marital strength and harmony was to go on a “date,” once a week, no matter what. And when there was a disagreement sizzling, there was one spot in the house where they would retreat to work it out. I wonder how long they kept that up, especially after the kids started coming. Unfortunately we lost touch over the years.

The suggestions I have are not quite so concrete, and I make no claims at being an expert. We are all explorers on the marital journey.

• Be wary of comparing externals. It is human nature that we get our bearings from those around us, but remember that every couple, every marriage and every family is unique unto itself. What works for one is not necessarily the answer for another. No one has all the answers. Marriage is a dynamic state.
• Make difficult choices. Set priorities. You can decide the amount of time and energy devoted to children and their activities. Children do not have to be involved in every opportunity afforded them. Less can be more, and down time can be an important investment.
• Embrace sacrifice. Something, someone often has to “give.” Identify the greater good.
• Hang on. You will likely endure times when your marriage may not feel as strong as you would wish. But remember that part of hanging on is to continue to reach for the other person.
  
  
  Tracy Lewark
• Pray together, pray for your spouse and attend church together.
• Have a date night once a week with your spouse without the children, of course. 10 Great Dates by David and Claudia Arp is a great way to get started.
• Have five minutes of “Couch Time” with your spouse each day when they come home from work before you do anything else. This will help you catch each other up on what happened in your world today and serve as a visual reminder to your children that you love each other. It also teaches your children to respect their parents while they do not interrupt you during the “Five Minute Couch Time.” It serves as great self-control training for your children as well.
• Know what your priorities are. First priority is God, second is your spouse, third is your children and then your occupation. What better thing to give your children than the security of two parents who love and are committed to each other and the marriage relationship? After all, once the children are grown, it will hopefully be just the two of you.
• Discuss and make important decisions before 9 p.m. at night.
• Instead of discussing each of the irritating things that your spouse does as they occur, keep a list and discuss the items on each other’s list together only once a week. You will be surprised how many items you cross off your list by your meeting that are now not such a big deal.
• Give each other at least one compliment a day.
• Tuck a card or a sticky note with a sweet message inside your spouse’s briefcase, coat pocket or anything that they take between home and work.
• Plan a “Spousenapping” for a long weekend at your favorite getaway spot. Remember, no cell phones or computers allowed!
• Once a year, attend a marriage seminar.
• Learn a new sport or hobby together.
• Go for a walk together. The kids will enjoy it also while you and your spouse get some uninterrupted conversation time.
• Remember that whatever season of life your children are in, whether it is the preschool years, school-age years or teen years, that each season of life is only temporary. Learn what you can from each season of life. Enjoy each season of life even with all of its challenges, for each season will pass as quickly as it came. Keep your perspective/focus or take time out to regain your perspective.
• Sign an annual marriage contract with your spouse on each anniversary.
• Watch your wedding video each wedding anniversary.
• Give a small gift for no reason or special occasion.
• Send a card in the mail to your spouse at work.
  

Caroline Hearn
Between the many nights my husband works and keeping up with our three children, we get dates out once in a blue moon. Our special “date” we have had since college and continue after 10 years of marriage? After the kids have gone to bed, we order Chinese delivery, light candles, spread a quilt on the floor and play scrabble. It is our silly thing we do, and it really helps us unwind. Although the games have been known to get a little cutthroat, we usually end up coaching each other. I think one of the most base keys to a strong marriage is being able to completely unwind, forget about the bills and the kids and work and go back to the things that made you fall in love in the first place.

Lynn Summers
My husband Ron and I keep our marriage strong by having date nights at least once a month. We usually do a long dinner where we talk about what is going on in our lives and then follow it up with a movie. We also hold hands when we’re out, which is a nice way to feel close to each other. We try not going to bed angry at each other, even if it means staying up later than normal to talk out any issues we’re having. We’ve been together for 16 years (longer than most of our friends), so I feel blessed.

Charla Kalnins
Know your husband/wife’s love language and practice it every single day!

Jennifer Kapheim
I tried to think of something we do that is romantic or glamorous like couple massages or long walks on the Riverwalk (no beach near here), but we don’t have a glamorous or romantic way of keeping our marriage strong. We help each other out with the house and kids, we support each other in our endeavors and we make time to reconnect every day. We just hang out on the sofa to watch TV or read. Sometimes we rub each other’s feet. I like that one a lot!! Like I said, it isn’t romantic or glamorous, but it works for us.

Debbie Robertson
When I first read this question my mind was blank! Really, giving advice on marriage was the last thing I wanted to do. We have been married seven years and have four kids, and to tell the truth, the seven-year blahs were knocking on the door. But then, riding down the road today, the answer hit me. The biggest thing that we do for each other is trade off responsibilities. One morning he may take two kids to school and I take the other two to pre-school. Or sometimes he takes all the kids to school so that I can have a few extra moments to myself in the morning. I usually pick up the kids, but I know that if I have something that comes up, he will gladly do it, too.

We alternate on nights when the baby is not sleeping well so that each of us gets a few good nights’ sleep each week. We switch out who gets to sleep in each Saturday. We are doing better about finding a quiet time together once in a while. Granted we have to take it when we get it, even if it is just a few minutes! We also give each other time away each week just to relax alone because everyone needs time to themselves.

I know that these are not romantic tips or new exciting ideas, but when you look at the little things they really add up. Sharing responsibilities makes it easier on each other and keeps the tension of having to do it all yourself (a frame of mind that most women have) to a minimum. Appreciate the little things you do for each other. Even if he does only do the dishes once a week, it is an effort and that is one less thing you have to do! 

Leida Brooks
I think the key to keeping a marriage strong through this time is communication and reminding each other that not everything has to change. You have to hold on to some of those things you did before the children came along. This has probably been said many times before. But you must make time to spend with your spouse at least twice a month. It helps us to have family in town, so I know it is not as easy to do for others, but it’s not impossible. Make time.