by Jackie K. Titus

When I was asked by Valley Parent Magazine to write an article on combating materialism in our children I thought, “Well sure. I’ll write that one right after the one on conquering world hunger, which will follow the one on achieving world peace.” I see combating materialism in the context of the American culture as presenting just about as big a challenge as conquering world hunger or achieving world peace. All three are extremely important goals but require relentless steadfastness and commitment. The difference in the three, however, is that what we can do to try to combat materialism in our children can be done on a very personal level in our own homes.

If we are going to do anything about materialism, I think it behooves us to start by being constantly aware, and I do mean CONSTANTLY, of the numerous daily messages we and our children get. On the average Americans see 3,000 ads per day. They are everywhere and impossible to avoid. (I found it humorous that when I went on the Internet to research this article, many of the articles I looked at regarding what to do about materialism had ads attached to them.)

The purpose of these 3,000 ads is to get you to buy something and to convince you that your life is somehow incomplete without that product. Our children are certainly made to feel that their happiness and acceptance is dependent on having the latest, most up-to-date toys and clothing. And being good and loving parents, we want our children to be happy.

Thus, we unthinkingly surrender to the pressure our children put on us to give them the “things” that advertisers are telling them they “want” and “need.” Of course advertisers understand this dynamic all too well. Do you think they would spend $2 billion a year advertising to children if they were not successful? Does it bother you that the marketing industry openly discusses “Pester Power”? Our children have been identified as consumers and more and more research is being done on how to market to them.

After reading the above, and knowing what a challenge you are in for, if you are still interested in trying to do something about materialism, and I so hope that you are, here are some suggestions:

• Limit watching television. There is so much research that correlates number of hours spent watching television with having materialistic values. One purpose of television is to entertain. I am convinced that selling is just as big a purpose. I find it interesting that many countries, Norway and Sweden for example, have banned all advertising to children.
  
  
• Become informed. Educate yourself about the advertising industry’s methods for marketing to your children. You will be amazed at how clever they are. One big trend now is to pay celebrities to use or wear products in public appearances. Product placement in video games has become a common practice. In the near future interactive TV will allow us to order a product that we just saw a celebrity use or wear in the program we were watching.
  
  
• Help your children become informed. Children need to understand that the main goal of advertisers is to make them think they need or want something. Also, help them see the differences between how a product is in reality and how it is presented in the ad. Consumer Reports magazine says that “young children have difficulty distinguishing between advertising and reality in ads, and ads can distort their view of the world.” Children do not realize how exaggerated the advertiser’s claims are. When a young child sees Barbie wearing her swim suit on a real beach with real waves or an all-terrain vehicle crossing a river, they may think those settings are part of the package. And the package definitely doesn’t include the music and all the special sound effects shown in the commercial.
  
  
• Limit the amount children can receive. This could include establishing limits for what you as a parent are going to spend on any given occasion or item and could also include limiting gifts from friends and relatives.
  
  
• Teach money management. Give children an allowance and require that they live within the limits of their allowance. If they want a big ticket item, they must save their allowance or earn money to buy it. Some parents even require their children to put a percentage of their allowance in savings.
  
  
• Prioritize. Ask children to make a list of the three things they most want. This could go a long way in learning to make choices and learning to be discriminating.
  
  
• Be creative about giving gifts that are not things. Some examples are a trip, such as to the zoo or the aquarium, lessons in some special interest that the child has, a subscription to a magazine, a craft item, an activity that the whole family can participate in, or tickets to an event. The pleasure that can come from these kinds of gifts will extend far beyond the few hours that are often all that comes from the latest hot toy item.
  
  
• Role model. Yeah, I know. It always comes back to that, doesn’t it? But, it never works to say, “Do as I say and not as I do.”

In Juliet Schor’s book Born to Buy, she discusses a study she conducted with Boston schoolchildren. In her study she found that the more children become consumers, the more likely they are to suffer from low self-esteem, depression and anxiety and the more prone they become to headaches and stomachaches.

Additionally, in the Shelter of Each Other, a must read book, the author Mary Pipher says that what children learn from ads is that they are the most important person in the universe, that impulses should not be denied, that pain should not be tolerated and that the cure for any kind of pain is a product. These two books have taught me that the effect of advertising on children goes far beyond convincing them that they have to have a certain product. It teaches them to rely on things for their identity, for their happiness and for the solutions to all of life’s problems. It promotes instant gratification and sends the message that we don’t need to work for anything; that we just need to go shopping. In actuality, however, happiness is a byproduct of making the right choices, having meaningful relationships and being involved in activities that challenge us and help us become better people. Those of us who love and care about the welfare of our children need to be the ones in charge of passing on values to our children, not the advertising industry.

For many of us, one of the most difficult things in the world is to say no to our children. I had to have a therapist help me learn to do that. Wish you could have been at my house the day I came home from therapy and announced to my daughter that what I was working on was learning to say no to her. But think what a favor we are doing our children when we do say no to them. How many times have you given your child the toy that they were convinced they could not live without only to be disappointed in how little satisfaction came from possessing it? Often it is just on to “what’s next?” I have observed when children are not denied, when they are given almost everything they ask for, they end up not really valuing anything. On the other hand, when any of us have to really yearn for something, work for it, save for it, dream about owning it, real pleasure comes when we finally get it. Less is so much more.