by Calista Sprague

Bill Cosby once said that if you have only one child, you are not a real parent. He says the amount and difficulty of parenting does not simply double with a sibling; instead, it increases exponentially with each child. Imagine what he might say about triplets.

Spending time with a typical 3-year-old generally leads to a serious need for a nap. No, not for the 3-year-old. For the adult. They are active, curious, adventurous creatures at that age, exploring their world, but still requiring much attention from Mom and Dad. Rip Van Winkle didn’t get enough sleep to store the energy necessary to deal with three of them 24/7.

But such is the life of local mom, Nicole Bennett. Her boys, Taylor, Tyler and Timothy, will all turn 3 on December 4. If you’re counting, that’s six uncooperative arms to find in shirtsleeves, 30 wiggling toes to put into shoes, three car-seat belts to buckle, six hands to hold and 30 fingers to keep out of mischief. Every day.

Amazingly, Bennett maintains a positive attitude. She lit up as she talked, obviously enjoying each of them as they sat–remarkably calmly–for the cover shoot. “They’re just amazing. And me, never even seen triplets before, and I ended up having them,” she said, still in awe. “They are a blessing to me.”

Bennett’s attitude is even more amazing when you consider that she is a single mother. You read that right–single. She was working full time and five months pregnant when the doctor gave her the news that she was carrying a bundle of joy times three. “I didn’t know how I was going to make it. That’s all I could think about at the time. I was just so stunned and shocked that I cried all the time.”

But Bennett couldn’t allow herself to fall apart. In addition to the three new arrivals, she also had their older brother, Eaquan, counting on her. She relied on family and faith to pull her through. “I don’t know what would’ve happened if I hadn’t had my mom and my dad and my aunts surrounding me,” she remembered. “It was hard when they were babies. They were preemies, and the baby, Tyler, had a little hearing problem and a bad heart at the time. I was back and forth to the high-risk doctors with them all the time.”

Jennifer Yancey, local mom of 7-year-old twin girls Josie and Gigi, was blissfully unaware of the problems that often come along with a multiple pregnancy. “We went all the way to the end and had two normal size babies, which is a blessing. We learned later that’s not always the case.” The Yanceys went on to have Emma, now age 5, followed by 2-year-old Stella and baby Maggie, who just turned 1. Like Bennett’s boys, Yancey’s five children–all under the age of 8–also provide plenty of wiggly arms, legs, fingers and toes to bathe, dress, protect and love.

Brooks and Jennifer Yancey picnic with
their girls Emma, Stella, Gigi, Maggie and
Josie. Now that they are older, Gigi and
Josie are rarely recognized as twins. In
addition to looking different, each has
developed individual interests and sense
of style.

With only 18 months separating Emma from the twins, the three are very close. “It’s been almost like they are triplets. They just do everything together. I would say the only thing that is hard for Emma is the attention that the twins get. People see two and they just freak out, and they will totally ignore the other child. The same thing happens now when I go out with the baby. They like the baby, and they don’t say anything about the older children.”

Jennifer has found that twins made the biggest difference in her husband Brooks’ involvement with the kids. “Having two, there was certainly more of a potential for him to become involved in an equal way,” she said. Whereas fathers of singletons have a greater tendency to automatically let the mother take care of all baby-related needs, Jennifer feels that twins made the need for Brooks’ help more obvious. “He jumped right in there and did everything I did, so then forever he has been perfectly comfortable with them. I think it set the pattern for the later children. He can do any kind of caretaking that I can do, and they’re just as close to him.”

While Bennett’s boys do have Dad in their lives, big brother Eaquan, now in seventh grade, offers the most support day to day. “He helps me out a lot,” Bennett bragged. “Right now we need an SUV.” She currently drives a too-small sedan. “He helps me put the boys in their car seats and stuff. He plays with them, wrestles and teaches them how to play football. They’re crazy about him, too. If they do get loud, Eaquan’s the reason,” Bennett laughed.

“Get help with the newborns for the first month or two months,” Yancey said, passing along advice given to her before her twins were born. “I actually had somebody come and stay. I think it is critical just so you can recover and get some sleep.” She relayed a story about an acquaintance with twins who ended up back in the hospital from exhaustion due to a lack of help. “I don’t know how anybody does it by themselves with two and no sleep.” Once beyond the first few months, Yancey says, “It’s just two kids. You just have to think of it that way and not be afraid to just go out and do things.”

When the twins were small, she sometimes envied moms of singletons. “I would see mothers in Target with their one little baby, and if it started crying, she could just pick it up and deal with it. It just seemed so relaxed. Yet I had the two little babies, and I just lived in terror that they would both start crying, and I wouldn’t be able to stop it. You can’t pick them both up and deal with them like you want to.”

Chris Henson remembers those feelings well, even though her triplets will turn 16 this month. “When they were babies, there was just always someone crying,” she recalled. Like Yancey, Henson had a single child soon after her multiples. Triplets Evelyn, Jackie and Kenny welcomed little sister Nell to the family when they were still shy of 2 years old. “I felt like I always had someone on me literally everywhere. Everything seemed more difficult because you weren’t just doing for one. There were three or four,” Henson said.

With four toddlers, Henson spent many hours at McDonald’s playland. “It was very difficult physically, it really was. And when I see people with lots of little kids, my heart just goes out to them. It was just like having a bunch of monkeys. We watch the home videos of them back then, and that’s about what it looks like, because they were just everywhere.

“I used to call Debbie Bowden (another local mom of triplets) a lot. I never would have made it without her. She had two before she had her triplets, so she didn’t send her triplets to mother’s morning out because she knew they’d get germs. For me, I had to get them out of the house. I could get nothing done when they were home. They were on me all the time,” Henson wailed in her Calgon-take-me-away voice as she remembered.

Now that the triplets and their younger sister are in high school, Henson feels pangs of longing for those days. “I feel bad that I couldn’t be glad they were all rushing at me when they were little. I would just think, ‘If I could just get through the door without them attacking me,’ but now I think, ‘Oh! I didn’t realize!’” As the children naturally pull away during adolescence, developing individual sense of self, Henson reminisces over all the hugs, kisses and affection of days gone by. “No wonder people enjoy being a grandparent!” she exclaimed.

“It was just a little too much at once. In my mind I could never even imagine them going to first grade.” To her it felt as if she would be a human jungle gym forever. “Now that they’re teenagers, that’s probably why I do appreciate my youngest so much.” Son Ted, now 9, enjoys the one-on-one time Henson could not offer her older children. “I’ve been able to give him the time and attention I wish I could have given each one of them,” she said.

Henson advises moms of singletons as well as multiples to delight in as much as possible while they are small. “Really to try to enjoy the affection they will give you in the early years. Even though it can feel like you don’t have time for yourself and you don’t have space. When they’re teenagers, you’ll have more space than you ever wanted!”

Despite the great demands on her time, Yancey does manage to carve out a little time for herself. “I’d say the biggest thing I do for myself is exercise. I love to run.” She recommends exercising to other moms, touting its many benefits. “It helps me stay in shape. It’s a huge stress reliever and helps me sleep and eat better. I just feel better about myself.”

Whether you are mom to one child— failing of course to meet Bill Cosby’s criteria for a real parent—or you are a real mother with a houseful, whether you have multiples or singletons with one car-seat belt to snap or five, motherhood can be completely overwhelming and terribly exhausting. So when the going gets rough, just remember Nicole Bennett’s advice, which can be implemented at any time and at any age. “I made it just by praying and telling myself that I could do it or God wouldn’t have given them to me,” she said, “Just take one day at a time.”

Online Resources For Mothers of Multiples

• www.MOSTonline.org
  • Non-profit support group
  • Quarterly magazine
  • Research articles
  • Member forums
  • FAQs and statistics
  • Membership $25
    
    
• www.nomotc.org
  • National Organization of Mothers of Twins Clubs, Inc.
  • Non-profit support group for mothers of multiples
  • Bi-monthly publication
  • Research articles
  • Annual conventions
  • Bulletin board
  • Annual dues $40
    
    
• www.nim.nih.gov/medlineplus
  • Search for twins or triplets Articles from several organizations
  • Preparing for multiples
  • Birth of multiples
  • Breastfeeding multiples
  • Care for multiples
    
    
• www.twinsmagazine.com
  • For twins and higher order multiples
  • Bi-monthly magazine
  • Messsage board
  • Free electronic newsletter
  • FAQs and statistics
  • Research articles