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By Charlotte L Bowman
Photos by Mike Culpepper

“Do you need to use the potty, James?” I asked my 2-year old son.

“No!” he stoutly replied. Five minutes later there was a puddle on the den carpet.

I’d been warned to expect challenges when raising a family. So far potty training has been a dismal failure. There I was, jeanclad, juice-stained and frustrated—not to mention exhausted thanks to my 3-monthold son. (Fletcher’s idea of a good time is to throw a party at 3 a.m.). As I cleaned the carpet, I questioned my mommy skills and wondered if my child would still need diapers in the first grade.

So when I was asked to write a story about what it’s like to be a mother, I was delighted. I had a wonderful time chatting with these four amazing mothers and swapping stories about colic, tantrums and other memorable moments.

Danyalle Miles

Few things smell sweeter than that fresh baby smell. And few things will melt your heart faster than seeing your precious baby smile for the first time. Danyalle Miles loves being a mommy.

Her daughter Gabrielle is 9 months old and growing up fast. “The months are going by so quickly,” Miles said. “Just yesterday she was a newborn and now she’s practically talking. She sits up by herself. She plays. She claps her hands and is very responsive and can repeat words that you say.”

Being a mommy has been an adjustment. Miles discovered she was pregnant shortly after she got married. “The first six weeks were awful when her days and nights were mixed up,” this first-time mom remembered vividly. “I cried some days and had to pray for help. You don’t realize how precious sleep is until you don’t have any.”

Fortunately Miles has family nearby. “My grandparents help out so much. They’re always there, helping to baby-sit. It’s so funny to see how they treat your kids. It’s a special bond.”

So far the reality of being a mommy has been a lot better than Miles expected. “I never grew up around kids,” she explained. “I always saw them in their worst state. Now I realize that’s just a small glimpse of what parenthood is about.”

Having a baby has altered Miles’ view of the world and her place in it. “It’s made me more purpose driven,” she said. “Motherhood causes you to mature. It makes you focus and plan for your future and your child’s. It makes you think about what you want out of life and move towards it.”

For Miles, being a mom is an awesome opportunity to instill values and morals in another human being. “You have to teach them and help guide them along, and find the balance between a loving parent and a guardian,” she said. “It’s a chance to leave your mark in the world after you’re gone.”

Alicia Mason

For Alicia Mason, being a mom means being loved in a very special way. “I knew the love from my parents and my husband, but there’s something different about the love of a child. The little kisses and hugs are so special,” Mason said.

Mason’s daughter Margaret, 11, is in the sixth grade. Her son Birch, 7, is in the second grade. “Being a mother helps you rediscover who you are. It grounds you. There’s a lot of value and fun in driving down the road and talking about silly little things.”

Being a mother has been wonderful, yet humbling. “Before we had Margaret, we thought we knew everything about parenting. We could have written the books,” Mason laughed. “We soon found out we didn’t know anything. And now we are eating many of our words.”

According to Mason, raising pre-adolescents is tougher than raising toddlers. It keeps her on her knees. “We’re entering that difficult period,” Mason said. “It’s more difficult emotionally. It’s also harder philosophically. We pray a lot, try to listen to them, and treat them like human beings.”

One challenge Mason faces is having two kids who are polar opposites, which means re-adjusting your parenting styles for each. “

What works with Margaret will not work with Birch,” Mason explained. “It’s not a different set of rules, just a different way to react to them. It’s such a fluid thing.”

Every mom struggles with balancing school and extra-curricular activities. For Mason, a structured home life with routines helps greatly. “I found a web site called Flylady.net,” Mason said. “Her principles have been so helpful. We broke Birch’s room into zones and each day we work through one zone. My routines have been very good in breaking up the tasks during the day. I love how FlyLady says, ‘You can do anything for 15 minutes. You’re not behind.’ It helps me not be overwhelmed.”

Kal Jain

Being a mom is wonderful, but it’s also tough. The years pass too quickly. You put your child to bed one night, and she wakes up the next morning as a teenager. If you’ve ever read Erma Bombeck, you have an idea of what you’re in for. “

I’m in panic mode,” said Kal Jain, whose son is graduating from high school this year. “I wonder if I’ve taught him everything I can. I’m proud but I’m also sad because I want him to be young and innocent again. It’s a struggle, but I have to cut the apron strings. I only hope that I’ve taught him good values to fall back on. He will always be my son, but our relationship is evolving. He isn’t depending on me anymore and that’s hard.”

Jain’s son Rishi, 17, is a senior at Columbus High School. Her daughter Damini, 14, will be entering Columbus High School next fall.

Like other teenagers, Jain’s two kids are very busy. They’re involved in many activities, such as Boy Scouts, soccer, Science Olympiad, gymnastics, work, homework and school projects. “We still try to spend quality family time together, but it’s harder to do that now,” Jain said.

As a mother Jain feels strongly that it is her responsibility to set limitations and not overindulge her teens. “You have to draw the line at what they can get away with. You have to pick your battles. And when a punishment is handed down, you have to follow through with it.”

Jain believes in setting clear expectations. “Mine are simple,” she said. “Do good in school. Go to college. Make a name of yourself. And remember that you only get one name and one reputation so don’t ruin them. This is a small town and you don’t want people thinking of you in a manner you wouldn’t be proud of. So make good choices.”

Mothering teens can also be very rewarding according to Jain. Hearing other parents talking about your kids in a positive way is a huge compliment. “There is no better feeling,” said Jain. “You know you’ve done something right when other parents pat you on the back. I’ve been very lucky. We don’t have a lot of problems with our kids. They have been trouble free and are very respectful.”

Debbie Bowden

For Debbie Bowden, motherhood has been a wild and joyful ride. “It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done,” she said. “But it goes by so fast.”

Bowden has a 24-year-old daughter, a 17-year-old daughter, and 15-year-old triplets — two boys and a girl. “It’s busy, but it’s been the joy of our lives,” she said. “Sometimes we have eight ballgames a week. We’re going in different directions to different ball fields and different places, but we love it.”

You have to be really organized to successfully raise five children. Bowden’s calendar is a vital part of her success. “I have a huge monthly calendar on my refrigerator,” she said. “Everything is color coded. Everybody lives by that calendar. If it’s not on the calendar, it doesn’t get done.”

Currently Bowden is teaching the triplets how to drive. “Next year we’ll have three 16-year-old drivers. And in three more years all of our children will be in college. The nest will be empty, and that makes me sad.”

Bowden and her husband were married eight years before they had children. “We prayed and prayed about having children,” she said. “We were just delighted to have kids.”

Still, news that she was expecting triplets came as a shock. “I had a 7-year-old and a 1-year-old when I found out I was expecting triplets,” she said. “I cried. It meant I would have four babies under the age of 18 months. It took me about three weeks before I decided it was really an answer to prayer. Somehow or the other, we would work it out.”

The first few years were hectic. Imagine four baby beds, four highchairs, four car seats, and lots of sleepless nights. “It was really hard,” said Bowden. “I used to think bathing one was hard until I had three. Then I thought one would be so easy. Even walking with them was tough — you have two hands and you’ve got four babies.”

Potty training was an adventure. “We had to visit every bathroom when we went out. Taking them all to a public bathroom was a nightmare. I thought sometimes, gosh, why did I want them to be potty trained!” Bowden laughed.

Fortunately Bowden and her husband were able to take a break when they needed one. “We stayed at home a lot, but we managed to eat out occasionally,” she said. “We were older parents and that helped a lot because we didn’t feel we were missing out on a lot.”

Life is busy all the time with a large family. Spending one-on-one time with each child can be difficult. “There just isn’t enough of me to go around,” Bowden said. “When they were little I spent so much time taking care of them that I never felt I had a whole lot of time one-on-one with them. I tried to do that with them when they were older by having a special day with each of them, especially during the summers, but it’s not the same as taking time during the day.”

There are challenges to having three the same age that other people don’t have. “You’ve got grades that come in. Some are stronger in some subjects than others. You have to teach them to do the best they can and not worry about what their brother or sister is doing,” Bowden said. “There’s always going to be sibling rivalry. It’s hard when one has success and the other doesn’t. But I don’t ever let them scream at each other, call each other names or put each other down.”

People warned her that her kids would grow up fast. But Bowden found it hard to believe while she was right in the middle of raising them. “I remember when my kids were all little and thinking, ‘yeah, they’re lying to me.’ But they were right. Kids really do grow up fast,” Bowden said. “I wish I could go back to when they were little for just one day.”

Despite the challenges, Bowden loves being a mother. “It’s been a wild ride, but it’s been fun,” she said. “I’ve never felt I was missing out on life. I never felt they were taking me away from an activity or profession. I’m doing what I always wanted to do by being a mom.”

Back to me

It’s 3 a.m. Fletcher has finally drifted off to sleep, and the house is quiet again. As I head back to bed, I think about this journey called motherhood. I’ve never experienced anything so difficult or so wonderful. Being a mommy isn’t easy. I know I’ll make lots of mistakes, but two things I’m sure of — I love my little boys and can’t imagine life without them.

One day soon James will be potty trained, and Fletcher will start sleeping through the night. There will be new hurdles to face, but I look forward to each one with anticipation.

Bowden is right. Motherhood is a wonderful ride. I’m glad to be along.