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Matching cribs, matching sets of onesies, simultaneous feedings,
baths and playtimes, but different personalities. |
by Bridgette Bonner
Letia and Henry Hammond of Phenix City are the proud parents of 9-month-old twin girls, Rhiana and Tiana. Letia says the girls are as different as night and day.
“Rhiana is the rambunctious, extra-active one. We call her Spicy because she’s a little firecracker. Tiana couldn’t be more different. We call her Sugar. She’s calm, patient and sweet,” Hammond said.
The Hammonds have discovered that a set of matching Barbie dolls or Easy-Bake Ovens is not going to work for their girls. “Tiana likes the piano and will sit and play, then look up and wait for me to sing. Riana would pick it up and bang it against something. She likes more technical toys, like things she can take apart and put back together. Two of one thing doesn’t work for us,” Hammond said.
Henry and Letia continue to provide all sorts of toys and let Rhiana and Tiana decide what they like best, which Letia said is almost never the same.
Multpiles run in the family on both sides for the Hammonds, and three sets of twins have been born in the last year. “There’s a good chance if we have another child it won’t be just one,” Letia said.
Jennifer Jordan of Manchester has the pleasure of staying home with her 19-month-old triplets, Bowman, Anna and Alexander. Brett Jordan is able to spend a few hours with his children after he returns from work and before bedtime.
Even before Bowman, Anna and Alexander celebrate their second birthday, Jennifer and Brett notice differences in their personalities.
“It’s interesting to deal with and see the three completely different personalities. Alex, the youngest, is my go-getter. He has a mind of his own. He’s the leader, and there’s no stopping him. Anna is my middle child and she’s a complete girly-girl. Bo is sensitive and gets his feelings hurt easily. The others tend to pick on him,” Jordan said.
“We just try and let them do their own thing, since they’re so different,” Jordan explained.
One-on-one time with a single baby is enough make a mother sigh and count down the minutes until naptime—for her, not the baby—but with three babies it seems nearly impossible.
“It’s really hard to find time for one-on- one time with each of them,” Jordan said. “If one wakes up earlier than the others I can do it, but the kids fight for it. If one crawls up on my lap, the other two try to get up there. They’re competitive for the one-on-one time.”
Twins, triplets and children in even larger multiple groups need to know they are an “I,” not a “we.” Because multiples have been together since conception, they get a head start on social interaction. They also may learn to compare themselves with their twin, or siblings in the case of triplets or more, and can become competitive.
Multiples may seem more competitive than singleton children because they are growing up with someone who potty trains at the same time, begins speaking at the same time, starts school and may begin playing sports at the same time. And while they are silently (or verbally) competing with siblings, it is for the same parents’ attention and praise.
Kathy Hornsby has her hands full with her kindergarten class and 7-year-old triplets, and has been a single mother for two years! She is thankful for the help of Amah, the children’s grandmother, and says her kids are blessed with wonderful aunts that help out.
“I do one-on-one time once a week with each of them and that helps them to know they’re each individuals. Will and I go to Subway every Thursday while Kelley and Kay-Lyn are at dance class. Kay-Lyn likes to have Fridays and Kelley could out-shop most adults on Saturdays,” Hornsby said.
Hornsby has not experienced the over-the-top sibling competition other parents of multiples feel with Will, Kelley and Kay-Lyn. “They have healthy competition, like who can memorize their verses for Bible school fastest. They’re never competing for my time or attention because they each have their own day with me.”
Tracey and Julius Bolds of Phenix City have been doubling up for six years with their twins Monica and Mya, and added another member to the family, Faizon, four years ago. Julius has a previous set of twins, now 16, that do not live with him and Tracey.
Even as babies and toddlers, Tracey said Monica and Mya would react to toys differently. “Mya liked to pick things apart, like puzzles, and Monica would just take things like they were,” Bolds said.
Monica and Mya switch off taking the introvert and extrovert roles, but are never the same at the same time. “It’s like something happens every 12 weeks or so that makes them switch places,” Bolds said.
Some believe one way multiples develop their individuality is to attend separate schools. Experts agree there is no right or wrong way to go about sending the children to school, nor a right or wrong time to separate children at school if the parents choose to do so.
“Monica and Mya attend the same school, but we made sure to keep them in separate classes,” Bolds said. “They would cut up together too much if we didn’t, and this lets them establish themselves as individuals, something that is very important.”
According to Bolds, Monica and Mya did not have a hard time being in separate classrooms because they were used to being separated. “We make sure to get one-on-one time with the girls and encourage them to have their own interests.
“Since Mya and Monica are in the after-school program and karate together, they make some of the same friends, but they do each have their own friends from class. We always remember they are individuals and should be treated that way. We never force them to do the same things or be the same way.”
Hornsby opted to put Will, Kelley and Kay-Lyn in the same class after researching the subject. “They all attend the school I teach at, and I put them in the same class because they are not codependent on one another and are all on the same level academically. They don’t distract each other in class, and since they don’t look alike, many people aren’t even aware they’re triplets.”
“You’ve got to remember they are separate people,” Bolds advises. “Some try to lump them into one but they are completely different minds and personalities.”
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