• No “Disneyland Dad” or “Disneyland Mom”
  
  
• Never play one against the other with silly statements like, “Fine, I will just send you to your mom/dad’s house!”
  
  
• No bad-mouthing the other parent— no matter how strong the urge.
  
  
• We do not pump Maggie for information, and believe it or not, we even chastise her for sharing when she shouldn ’t.
  
  
• Restrictions/punishments carry over from one house to the other.
  

From the beginning we decided to meet for dinner on a regular basis with Maggie along. We discuss rules and behavior as a family. We try to do this a couple times a month and at least once a month. From time to time we sit down to dinner or lunch without Maggie to discuss whatever is going on with her.

We always try and schedule doctors’ appointments, school conferences and other important meetings for times we can both go. And when we can’t both go, we call and tell the other one what is going on or what happened. We share teachers’ notes, good and bad. We let Maggie call and talk to the other parent whenever she wants. And sometimes she even trades an afternoon or night out because she needs that other parent for something at that moment.

We trade days whenever necessary to help with each other’s work commitments or if one of us is sick. We have never said, “No it’s my weekend,” when there was a special activity or family event that Maggie could or wished to attend with the other parent. We don’t send stuff back and forth (expect her report card and behavior report) in her school backpack. We don’t mark clothes that “belong” at one house or the other. The clothes get worn and washed, and at some point they end up coming back. Sometimes we have to trade out a few things to keep some balance, but in the end they are just clothes.

For the three years we have been apart, Maggie has had one birthday party each year. We sit down, ask what theme she would like and where she would like to have it. Then her mother and I agree on who will take care of which part. We invite all of her friends and family, and we both show up. Maggie enjoys the thrill of her birthday with her friends and her family celebrating all together.

We also sit down and plan the major holidays so that she gets to spend as much time as possible with all the extended family. And guys, here is a tough one, I know—at Christmas, take your children shopping so they can (yes, with your money) buy their mother a present. That is what kids are supposed to do. And it is what we are supposed to teach them. We both want Maggie to experience and embrace life and family, and I want her to learn to do the right thing.

I hear people say they would die for their child, but at the same time they can ’t or just won’t deal with their child’s other parent. Our children are the most precious gifts we will ever be entrusted with. It is not easy, but when you remind yourself that this is about your child, not you or your ex, it gets easier.

Maggie’s mom and I don’t always get it right, but so far Maggie is a well adjusted and thriving young girl. To me the ultimate compliment on our efforts came from a nurse who helped take care of her during a little hospital stay late last year. When we were leaving the hospital, we asked Maggie whose house she wanted to go to first. The nurse was shocked and asked, “You two are divorced?” I smiled and said, “Yes, but we love our daughter together.”