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If only kids came with instruction manuals. It’s a parent’s anthem. But Judge Aaron Cohn, who raised three children of his own and still has a hand in raising countless others who pass through his court, has a different take on parenthood.
“It’s not rocket science,” he said.
That’s not meant to offend anyone who finds child-rearing challenging. It’s meant to inspire. “It’s blood, sweat and tears, just like it’s always been,” he acknowledged. But he said with the right tools, anyone can be a good parent.
Judge Cohn is almost 92 years old and is the longest serving juvenile court judge in America. He and his wife Janet Ann reared three very successful and well respected children. They have seven grandchildren who are well on their way toward realizing their own dreams. As a younger man, Cohn coached Little League baseball, Pop Warner football and youth tennis. For 43 years, he’s given kids in trouble those stern-but-kind lectures that make them wish they could take a good whipping instead. The impact he’s had on these kids’ futures is impossible to measure. Aaron Cohn is one of the community’s most beloved residents.
Early Influences
Cohn’s mother was one of the greatest influences in his life. She emigrated from Lithuania to the United States when she was just 16. “She used to pat me on the head all the time and say, ‘Aaron, do you know how lucky we are to be Americans?’”
Cohn said that instilled in him a lasting pride in a country he believes was made great not by big buildings and economic wealth but by the American Family. The roots of his desire to serve children grew from his military service. As a young man training to be a soldier, he learned the value of discipline. And in World War II, as a lieutenant colonel in Gen. George Patton’s Army, Cohn helped liberate the concentration camp at Ebensee, Austria. The horrors he saw there seeded his headstrong advocacy for social justice.
Cohn’s knowledge of law came from textbooks. His parenting skills came by instinct. Over the years, he discovered that just as the rule of law governs society, there are simple truths that can guide parents through the sometimes murky waters of parenthood.
Simple Truth #1: You Can Never Win a Popularity Contest
It was the Army that first taught Cohn that it never pays to win popularity contests. It’s a lesson he believes all parents must learn. As an officer, he hated having to send his men out on dangerous missions, but he did it because it had to be done. Later, as a judge, he ruled against a dear lawyer-friend of his in seven straight custody cases. “I felt badly to a certain point,” Cohn said, “but I call it the way I see it. Like a referee on a baseball field. You have a right to be angry with me, but I have to do what I think is right.”
Cohn tells another story about the impact his hard-thought decisions have. One day while he and his son were out having lunch together, a “big, rugged guy” approached him and said, “You’re Judge Cohn.” The judge replied that he was, and tried to mask the stab of fear in his gut. “Do you know what you did?” the man asked. The tension grew and now the judge’s son had balled his fists, ready for action. “You gave the kids to my wife.” The judge was sure he was about to get slugged. But the punch line took him by surprise. “I just want to let you know,” the man said, “you did the right thing.”
That was when Aaron Cohn knew he was cut out for the bench. “What’s in the best interest of the child? That’s the question you have to ask yourself. You have to keep your eyes on the bouncing ball.” Judge Cohn’s guidance applies to both the courtroom and the family home.
Simple Truth #2: Discipline Works Best with the Three Fs
Once a parent gives up the popularity contest, Cohn said, it’s time to learn how to discipline children effectively. He does it with the three Fs: firmly, friendly and fairly.“And when you promise them you’re going to punish them for doing something, you need to punish them,” Cohn asserted.
“So many young people come back to me and remind me that I chewed their butts when they were 15, and now they say, ‘thanks.’”
Simple Truth #3: Misplaced Priorities Cause Harm
One of the biggest parenting mistakes Judge Cohn sees is the tendency for parents to place their own desires ahead of their child’s needs. If your daughter’s school play is on the same evening as the office cocktail party, what are you going to do? If you have your priorities straight, Cohn said, the decision is easy. “The children come first and the parents come second in my book. It may come as an inconvenience to you, but you’re a grown person and you can cope with it. You need to think about how it will affect your child.”
In his court, Cohn hears it from parents over and over again: “Judge, I did everything I could for my child.” If you chose the cocktail party, and the child winds up on the wrong path, you have no business trying to absolve yourself of responsibility, he said.
Simple Truth #4: Take Charge or Lose Control
Another common mistake parents make, Cohn said, is forgetting who’s the adult and who’s the child. “A lot of women I see want to be like sisters to their daughters. And the daughters expect to be treated like equals.
So many young people don’t want anyone telling them what to do. I tell them, ‘For as long as you live, there will be somebody telling you what to do. I’m almost 92 years old, and all my life there have been people telling me what to do.’”
The Judge’s ‘bible’ There are fewer people telling Judge Cohn what to do these days, but he still goes to work every day. His courthouse office is filled with family pictures, mementoes of his days as tennis team captain at the University of Georgia and awards for a lifetime of service to children and families. His bookshelves are lined with subjects ranging from law to military to religion. But among his favorite possessions are several dogeared file folders crammed in desk drawers that contain the words he lives by. He said the folders are like his bible; he reads and re-reads the articles to remind himself what matters:
10 Ways to Keep Your Child
Out of Court
What is Class?
The Desiderata
The Children’s Bill of Rights
Things to Ask Yourself Before
You Go to Bed at Night
Judge Cohn said parents ought to be
teaching their children the axioms culled
from these articles, too. “There are certain
words in the English language that are always
going to be there,” he said. “Words like honesty,
integrity, kindness and good manners.
They’re great words and lots of young people
don’t even know what they mean.”
Those are the ones that wind up in Cohn’s court. Some have quit school. Some have turned to crime. All have made bad choices. Often, lives are ruined. The judge places part of the blame on a society flush with guns and drugs. “Raising kids today is even tougher than it used to be because there are so many more temptations out there,” he said.
Still, Cohn is optimistic. “There are many wonderful young people today. I’m not one of those people who complain about kids having gone to hell in a hand basket. When the time comes and we need to call on the generations coming up, I think they’ll be there.”
Despite the challenges, Cohn goes back to the rocket scientist remark and insists anyone can be a good parent. “I’m not saying it’s easy. But some things are basic and have been for time immemorial. ‘Train a child in the way he shall go.’ Set your priorities; are they in the child’s best interest? It’s like a football coach who says ‘let’s go back to basics.’ Discipline, priorities and most of all, let your child know you love him.”
